Holiday gatherings with a newborn: what to do when everyone wants to hold and kiss the baby — handwashing, vaccines, cold sores and safe sleep away from home

The short answer: at Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and Lunar New Year, everyone wants a cuddle with the new baby. But a newborn's immune system hasn't yet learned to fight most infections, and they are too young for some vaccines¹. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends "cocooning": the people around the baby are up to date on vaccines, wash their hands, and stay away when they are sick¹. The NHS says people with cold sores should not kiss your baby, and any kisses should go on the top of the head, not near the mouth, nose or eyes². When you stay with family, your baby still needs to sleep on their back on a bare surface with just a fitted sheet³.

Why do newborns need extra protection?

Their immune system is still learning: newborns are more likely than older children and adults to get sick from viruses and bacteria. They need vaccines, but they are still too young for some of them¹
Whooping cough usually comes from family: it spreads through sneezing and coughing, and most newborns catch it from people they live with. Babies can't get their first whooping cough vaccine until 2 months, though a vaccine in the third trimester of pregnancy protects them for a while after birth¹
Some infections can be severe: whooping cough, flu and RSV can cause breathing problems, pneumonia, seizures and even brain damage¹
The herpes virus is dangerous for young babies: the virus that causes cold sores can pass to a baby when a person with a cold sore kisses them, and babies are thought to be most at risk in the first 6 weeks after birth². If neonatal herpes spreads through the body it can be life-threatening²

The "cocoon" rules for visitors

Vaccines first: the AAP suggests visitors get up to date with recommended vaccines such as whooping cough and flu, completing the whooping cough shot at least 2 weeks before visiting¹
Handwashing alone isn't enough: good hygiene helps prevent infection, but it is not enough on its own; making sure siblings, grandparents and caregivers are vaccinated adds another layer of protection and works better than only the parents being vaccinated¹
Sick? Wait to visit: older relatives, grandparents and babysitters should tell you when they are ill and only come back once they are well¹; keep your baby away from anyone with a cold, and limit crowds⁴
Wash hands before touching the baby: everyone², with soap and water for at least 20 seconds⁴
Fewer kisses: discourage anyone who isn't close family or a carer from kissing your baby; the safest place for a kiss is the top of the head, not near the mouth, nose or eyes²
Remind young children too: gently remind siblings and other children not to kiss the baby or get too close, especially if they're coughing or could be sick¹
Cold sore? No kisses: anyone with a current cold sore, or a recent history of cold sores, should not kiss your baby; people with a herpes infection should avoid touching the baby unless they are close family or a carer, and then wash their hands carefully first²
No smoke: avoid exposing your baby to smoke from tobacco or other substances⁴, and don't let anyone smoke in the same room as your baby⁵

How do I say this without offending anyone?

The AAP's advice is to help family and friends see that following these rules is the best support they can give¹. You could send a message to the family group chat ahead of time, for example:

Thank you all for loving our little one so much! The baby is still too young for many vaccines, so we're trying to keep colds and whooping cough away together. Before you visit, please get your whooping cough and flu shots; if you're feeling unwell, come once you're better; wash your hands before holding the baby, and kisses go on the top of the head. There'll be plenty of cuddles when the baby is bigger!

For more on working with grandparents and setting boundaries, see Co-parenting with grandparents.

Where will the baby sleep at a relative's house?

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) reminds families to create a safe sleep space whether at home or at grandma's house³:

On their back³⁵
Bare is best: a fitted sheet only, with no pillows, padded bumpers, quilts or comforters³
Move them if they fall asleep: if your baby falls asleep in a swing, bouncer or lounger, move them to a firm, flat crib, bassinet or play yard³
Check borrowed nursery products for recalls, including secondhand items³
Don't fall asleep with your baby on a sofa or armchair⁵
No bed-sharing after drinking: don't share a bed with your baby if you or your partner have had 2 or more units of alcohol, smoke, have taken drugs, or have taken medicine that makes you drowsy⁵
Take them out of the car seat when you arrive: it's fine for a baby to fall asleep in the car seat while travelling, but take them out as soon as you get there⁵

For more on safe sleep, see Newborn sleep basics.

When should I get medical help?

The NHS warns that newborns with herpes can become seriously ill very quickly, often without typical signs such as a rash or blisters².

Contact a doctor promptly if your baby²:

Is irritable and won't settle
Isn't feeding as well as usual
Has a temperature of 38°C or more
Has a rash or sores on their skin, eyes or inside their mouth

Call your emergency number immediately if your baby²:

Is lacking in energy, lethargic and listless
Is becoming floppy or not responding to you as usual
Is difficult to wake
Is breathing rapidly, has difficulty breathing, or grunts when breathing
Has a seizure
Is peeing less than normal
Is crying constantly and can't be soothed, or their cry doesn't sound normal
Has a blue tongue or skin
Has a rash that does not fade when a glass is rolled over it

Frequently asked questions

Grandma just wants one little kiss. Can we make an exception? If she doesn't have a cold sore, the top of the head is the safest place for a kiss². Anyone with a current or recent cold sore shouldn't kiss the baby².

Everyone washes their hands. Do they really need vaccines too? Yes. The AAP says handwashing alone isn't enough, and vaccinated family members add another layer of protection¹.

I had the whooping cough vaccine in pregnancy. Do visitors still need it? The pregnancy vaccine protects your baby for a while after birth, but they still need their own shots¹, and vaccinated household contacts protect better than only the parents being vaccinated¹. For the pregnancy vaccine, see Whooping cough and the pregnancy vaccine; for flu, The 2026–27 flu season; for RSV, How to protect your baby from RSV.

This article is based on public information from the American Academy of Pediatrics, the NHS and the US Consumer Product Safety Commission. It describes general principles for protecting newborns and does not replace advice from your doctor. Vaccine schedules vary between countries, so follow your local doctor's advice. If your baby shows any of the danger signs above, get medical help or call your local emergency number immediately.

References

American Academy of Pediatrics Section on Infectious Diseases. (2025, September 12). How to cocoon a newborn: Family & friends can protect baby from germs. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/immunizations/Pages/How-to-Cocoon-a-Newborn-Only-an-E-Mail-Away.aspx ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵ ↩⁶ ↩⁷ ↩⁸ ↩⁹ ↩¹⁰ ↩¹¹ ↩¹² ↩¹³
NHS. (2025, July 24). Neonatal herpes (herpes in a baby). https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/ ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵ ↩⁶ ↩⁷ ↩⁸ ↩⁹ ↩¹⁰ ↩¹¹
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission. (2022, November 10). Whether at home or traveling for the holidays, CPSC reminds parents to keep babies' sleep space safe. https://www.cpsc.gov/Newsroom/News-Releases/2023/Whether-At-Home-or-Traveling-for-the-Holidays-CPSC-Reminds-Parents-to-Keep-Babies-Sleep-Space-Safe ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵ ↩⁶
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2026, September 2). RSV: When it's more than just a cold. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/chest-lungs/Pages/RSV-When-Its-More-Than-Just-a-Cold.aspx ↩ ↩² ↩³
NHS. (2025, November 25). Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). https://www.nhs.uk/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/sudden-infant-death-syndrome-sids/ ↩ ↩² ↩³ ↩⁴ ↩⁵